The Great Apikores of Warsaw: A New Critical Edition Based on Manuscripts

An Exciting New Discovery That Enriches Our Understanding of Jewish Humor

So there’s this old Jewish joke about this guy who lives in some podunk village in a part of Eastern Europe that has changed hands like 5 times in the past century so its useless telling you what country its in. He’s the town apikores, the local heretic, the town scoffer, the guy who reads the book he’s not supposed to be reading and says the things he’s not supposed to be saying, every town has at least one. 

Well he hears about this great apikores, The Apikores of Warsaw, who says all these wonderfully heretical things, and he wants to hear from this great Apikores directly and learn from his ways, so he gets on a train to Warsaw, and starts asking around where the house of The Great Apikores of Warsaw is. 

Of course, they all know where The Great Apikores of Warsaw lives, so great is his infamy, make a couple of lefts, then a right, then boom, you’re right there. He knocks on the door. A bearded man with a yarmulke answers. “Excuse me,” says the small-town apikores, “are you The Great Apikores of Warsaw?”
“That’s what they call me”
“I am a small town apikores who has traveled all this way to learn from you. May I come in and talk?”
“Sure, you can come in, but it’s Friday afternoon. Why don’t you stay for Shabbos”
Wait…Shabbos? The Great Apikores of Warsaw is…. getting ready for Shabbos? That’s weird. Huh. 

But, he does need a place to stay. So The Small Town Apikores agrees to stay for shabbos, and The Great Apikores of Warsaw shows him to his room, and he gets himself settled, bursting at the seams with questions to ask The Great Apikores of Warsaw. 

Soon, the Great Apikores of Warsaw comes to his room.

“Are you ready for shul?”

“Uh, yeah, sure” says the Small Town Apikores, a little bit surprised that The Great Apikores of Warsaw goes to shul. But, he’s the Great Apikores of Warsaw. Clearly he has a reason, right.

So they go to shul, and The Great Apikores of Warsaw gets up and leads davening. The Small Town Apikores listens carefully to see if The Great Apikores of Warsaw has made any interesting heretical changes. Nope. Huh. Weird that The Great Apikores of Warsaw not only prays, but leads it.

Davening ends, and The Great Apikores of Warsaw goes to the rabbi, and, instead of challenging him on his medieval and superstitious beliefs, says a simple good shabbos to him, and then starts walking home with The Small Town Apikores.

They get back to The Great Apikores of Warsaw’s house, and now, thinks the Small Town Apikores, the truth and heresy will come out, right? But he watches as The Great Apikores of Warsaw blesses his children, says kiddush, washes his hands, and makes hamotzi. The Small Town Apikores is very confused, and finally decides to speak up.

“Excuse me, can I ask you question?”

“Sure”

“I don’t know how to put this….are you even an Apikores?”

“Of course I’m an Apikores”

“Well, I was told about The Great Apikores of Warsaw, and not only do you keep shabbos, but you seem to do everything a normal frum Jew would do. You go to shul, you say kiddush, you don’t do melacha, your wife lights shabbos candles, your children go to cheder, and you dress indistinguishably from any of the other religious Jews I’ve seen. In fact, I haven’t seen any evidence at all that you’re not religious. So….if you’re an apikores, why do you seem to be religious?”

“Well it’s very simple. I’m an Apikores, not a goy”¹